After an epic struggle I managed to wrestle the tire off and there, sticking out as plain as day, was a big honking screw. A SCREW !? SERIOUSLY? as is "you're screwed buddy"? Is this cosmic trash talk or what passes for humour? Watch for signs indeed. Well, I guess you shouldn't be here if you can't take a joke.
"Old man what do the signs say? Is it time to charge these Persians" "hmm uhh no, nooo, perhaps not the best time to charge right now sire, maybe check back in an hour".
RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Hopefully tonight I'll finally get this battle report posted.